Too Tired, Too Wired

A Celebration of Basic-Cable Fever Dreams

“Magic Hour” - in reference to film - is the brief time before twilight where the light is just right for shooting. No shadows are cast, and there is a purple hue that tinges everything with a beautiful aura. It’s a coveted time slot for any painter of light to get those perfect memorable shots.

I’m positing that there is, however, another Magic Hour in the film world. It starts at approximately 1:52 AM. The wee hour of the night when your brain plays tricks on you and anything is possible. The time when your mind is too tired to keep up the barriers to your subconscious, but too wired to fall asleep, creating the perfect recipe for creativity and openness.

For creators, it’s the time your brain takes you into places you never would have been during normal daylight hours. And for viewers, it’s when your brain is splayed wide, ready to receive, and open to new experiences.

Before streaming media became commonplace, that time of night used to be where you would stumble upon the really good shit. The media that isn’t meant for suburban Moms and Dads with nine-to-five jobs and two-and-a-half kids. The lost basic-cable fever dreams of yesteryear.

You could turn on the television into double-digit channels and stumble onto something strange. A late-late-night film that couldn’t possibly exist in the real world. A pre-internet creepy-pasta memory. The Pink Opaque of I Saw the TV Glow.

Back in those days, these films would find us. If you watched cable TV as a teenager like me, trying to catch a glimpse of some boobs on Showtime or Cinemax, then you likely had the same experiences I had.

Everything around you was dark. Everyone around you was asleep. You had the volume turned down low on your small square TV so as not to disturb your parents. Sometimes you never even saw the title of what you were watching. That was the time of night when films could hook you with their dangerous magic. There was nothing like what we watched during those small hours.

We have lost something in the past few decades with the rise of streaming slop, but that doesn’t mean the Magic Hour doesn’t exist. Yes, the landscape has changed. (Old Man Yells at Cloud). Netflix and the like have diluted the arts. The outré stuff is buried in a sea of “content”. If you don’t do your own digging, the only films you will ever be recommended are Netflix Christmas movies. We no longer live in a world where you can easily stumble upon things, but we must keep trying! Keep fighting the good fight against sub-mediocrity. Dig deep. You might strike gold!

For me, there are three films from that era that are indelibly burnt into my brain. Real gold nuggets, but probably only for me, since I was there when it happened. I have not watched these since those fateful Magic Hours of my youth, so I will describe them only briefly. Looking back I feel I have dreamed them into existence, and that the dream has faded away and left behind only strange pieces of their alien anatomy.

Brain Scan

Edward Furlong finds a strange horror video game - I believe it was on a CD Rom - and quickly gets sucked into a game that may or not be warping his reality. Is it real? Is it a game? Is he hallucinating? There is a cool Freddie Kruger-like monster character who is his guide (or his enemy) in the surreal hellscape that the film becomes.

Scary and cool with a hint of sleaze. I now own it on Laserdisc, which is where the film belongs.

Black Male

Bokeem Woodbine stars in a twisty noir thriller. The stolen-money plot knots together the intersecting stories of a group of unlucky thieves, corrupt cops, and a suave serial killer played by Roger Rees (Rebecca’s British beau from Cheers!)

Funny and exciting with a hint of sleaze. I now own it on VHS, which is where the film belongs.

Cruel Intentions 2

A cheap, cheap, follow-up to the hit teen-version of Dangerous Liaisons. Also directed by Roger Kumble. Stars Amy Adams. I don’t remember the plot, but it involved an innocent girl having her first orgasm while learning to ride a horse.

Utterly ridiculous, with a hint of sleaze. I read afterward that this was made as a TV series that was cancelled and never aired. They took the few episodes that were shot and edited them together into a feature, adding in some scenes of naked coeds to spice it up.

I now own a copy on DVD, which is where the film belongs.